Not surprised
by Enjoyseries
Summary: Tom and Sasha talk for the first time after sixteen months. Set in season 4. UPDATED!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Well, well, well. After seeing the last episode I NEEDED to write something down and let out all my feelings! I wrote this piece, I hope you will enjoy reading it. I don't really know if it's well written, I thought about this for a long time and I still can't think about how they will talk for the first time after sixteen months. I can't wait to see it! Meanwhile… enjoy! ;)**

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Tom was back. It was his third night on the ship and it felt like an old wrecked home. Only this time, he wasn't here on his own will. He thought about what Alex had said to him, you can't escape your destiny, maybe he was right. The night was still young and he took the opportunity to walk on the upper deck and get some fresh air. Mike had remained ashore and was in a hospital bed, safe and sound. They got the seeds back and put Alex's family in a safer place, Sam and Ashley were with them.

He was back, but everything was different; he wasn't the commander anymore, wasn't wearing a uniform and the looks crew was giving him weren't pleasant. Most of them was mad at him, some didn't care at all or had completely lost faith in him. He could feel the heaviness, the whisperings and glances. He wasn't proud of it and it made him even more uncomfortable. This ship used to be like his second home, but today it all felt completely wrong.

 _Wrong,_ like the way Sasha was looking at him. He had tried to push her into a corner of his head during those months, but Sasha Cooper wasn't easy to forget. He tried to cover the pain, to move on but even if he really cared for Cali, she wasn't _her_. Whenever he was taking her in his arms late at night, kissing her, touching her, he always wished it was Sasha instead. And now that she was back in his life, he couldn't do all of this because he knew he had lost all rights the second he walked out on her. Even the slightest glance at her seemed now inappropriate. Each time he dared looking at her a heavy regret took hold of his body and made his heart crushed inside his chest. He wished things happened differently, that they finally had their second chance. He had seen it, the way she was looking at that Fletcher guy, the way they were looking at each other. He couldn't help but feeling a hint of jealousy whenever he was getting too close to her. He hated this guy and he hated himself even more for having letting her go.

He didn't know how to handle this, he wished he had the courage to talk to her but there was nothing to explain. He had no excuses for what he had done and he knew she wasn't inclined to take the first step either. He could see it in her eyes, she was mad and deeply hurt.

She was struggling keeping her head up, she didn't want to face the reality. Knowing his presence on this ship was making her particularly nervous. She had become cold and distant, even with James. She knew he had nothing to do with this, it wasn't fair for him but this was her way out, her way to protect herself. She didn't know if she was strong enough to face a new war, to face _him_ and the past.

Tom was being put out of his thoughts when he heard the door behind him open. He was even more taken by surprise when he recognized the silhouette. The brown headed woman stopped right away when she saw him standing there, maybe this time she would have done better pacing in her cabin than going out for some fresh air. They remained stoic and quiet, Tom wanted to say something but nothing came out. As things were getting awkward, she walked back and almost close the door when she heard his voice.

"Wait!" He let out abruptly and she freezed. "We need to talk." She sighed, and slowly turned around to face him.

"There's nothing to talk about." She said in a cold tone and crossed her arms against her chest. She waited _again_ for seconds that seemed hours for him to speak but instead he stood there, watching her. He was looking torn and wrecked.

"I'm so sorry, Sasha." He finally whispered in a hoarse voice.

"You can keep your apologies for others." She snapped at him. _Touché._ He knew these words had no value for Sasha, but what more could he say?

While he no longer dared looking into her eyes, she could feel the anger rising in her. She was so mad at him and at the same time she only wanted to fix him. She was completely lost in this hurricane of emotions.

"It's been sixteen months, Tom, _Sixteen._ You really thought it would be that easy?" She snorted, her heart crushing a little more thinking back of all these lonely nights wondering where the hell Tom Chandler was.

"I never wanted to hurt you."

"Don't, just…" She stopped him right away. She could feel the tears coming up and she was sure he could see it too with her eyes glowing under the moonlight. "You broke me." She admitted in a trembling voice but managed to swallow the knot in her throat and pulled herself together, "and I moved on." With these words she turned around, opened the door and left without a last glance.

Even though he knew she had lied, hearing her saying those three words squeezed his heart even more. She just needed to have the last word, she had to show him how strong she was because she didn't want him to know how much it affected her. She had to focus on the war that was coming for them. Talking to him like that, pushing him away, it torn her apart but she had no choice, she wasn't ready to forgive him yet and it was best for the both of them.

He let her go, once again and watched her leave. He knew he couldn't do anything to hold her back. He didn't expect her to throw herself in his arms, he knew her much better than that and he knew very well that she was ready to make him living a rough time before they could make a clean sweep of the past. Actually he wasn't surprised at all, he knew he was the only to blame for this.


	2. Chapter 2

**So, I don't know what happened with but it seems there was a bug. I posted the second chapter last night but it never shows, did it? I couldn't see it. Anyway I'm re-uploading it, and I improved it a bit on the way.**

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 **A/N: I wasn't supposed to add a chapter but I couldn't let the last one hanging like that. They have to make their way to each other, in one way or another. I might add a third one for the "happy ending" note (because I need it haha). Thank you for your reviews! :)**

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 **A/N2: It isn't focused on the plot (with the seeds and all) so my bad if it is quite superficial.**

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Days went by as they were moving forward with their mission. They still hadn't found Omar and Giorgio but they might have found something to fight back the virus, thanks to the seeds they had brought back. Even if things seemed quiet for now, they were still helping to feed people and poverty was more and more affecting the streets. Tom was slowly regaining his place as leader, although he had chosen not to resume his position as commander of the ship for now, the crew was listening and following him as in the good old days.

He hadn't spoken to Sasha since the last time, the only words they were exchanging were all about work. In spite of the cold, distant façade she gave herself, he could read through her like in an open book, it'd always been so easy to do that. He knew something was wrong and that the Sasha he used to know before was no longer there, or at least she was well hidden. The last war had left its mark on everyone, but this one was much more impressive and harder to bear. It was changing them all little by little.

He'd been watching her for several minutes, she was on the upper deck at the front of the ship, looking at the horizon on her own. He hesitated for a while, but he couldn't help but go check on her. He couldn't stand staying there and watching her torturing herself without doing anything, even though he was probably the last person she wanted to see right now.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he was standing a few feet behind her. She didn't bother turning around to know it was him well before he spoke.

"You haven't cared a bit for sixteen months so why now?" She said with no interest. _This wasn't gonna be easy._

"You're wrong, Sasha." He paused, it was time for them to speak with opened heart. "Look, I know you probably hate me and you have all the rights but I never stopped caring for you." She sighed and his words seemed to appease her wounds as she spoke again, less angry this time.

"I- I don't hate you, I just…" She paused. "I'm sorry about that."

"Well," he said as he walked closer to her. "I kinda deserved it, right?" He also looked at the horizon. She turned her head to look at him and slightly chuckled. _Hell yes you deserved it, Chandler!_

"I could've understand why you needed to leave, but going off the radar like that?" She needed to understand.

"I know it wasn't fair. I think it was easier to just cut off all ties and do as nothing ever happened."

"And so you decided what was best for the both of us without thinking about how I could feel?"

"I had to." He said in a hoarse voice.

"I could've helped you. We could have healed together, side by side. You didn't have to do it alone." She still thought she could have done something, it all could have been different but Tom never saw it that way.

"I didn't want to put this on your shoulders, I didn't want you to fix me because I knew too well that even with all the love you would have brought me..." He closed his eyes and pinched his lips. "It would have destroyed you, Sasha."

"What tells me you won't leave again after that?" She almost feared his answer.

"I'm not going anywhere." He told her but she didn't seem to believe him. "If there's one thing I've understood during these sixteen months, it's just how much…" He paused, searching for his words. "How much you mean to me." He _loved_ her, always had, but he knew he had to take it slow if he ever wanted to get her back.

He laid his hand on the railing next to hers, and slowly reached for her fingers. The move was hesitant as if he was asking permission to touch her.

"And now that I've found you again, I don't want to leave you anymore _._ " His fingers met hers. Feeling her skin under his fingertips after all this time sent him shivers through his body. She closed her eyes, feeling the tears coming up. She had missed his touch and all of this was too overwhelming.

She brushed his thumb with hers, stroking his knuckles, feeling the heat coming out of his skin. It felt so good, but deep down she couldn't help feeling a hint of guilt. She quickly pulled herself together and in one last brush, she drew back her hand.

"Tom…" God, he had missed hearing his name coming out of her mouth. "This isn't- This isn't the right time." She admitted.

When he looked up, he spotted James behind her shoulder, he was looking in their direction from the bridge. He knew what she was talking about, and she was right.

"Never been, uh?" He asked, sadly smirking. He took a few steps ahead and stopped right beside her, their arms brushing against each other as his hand was discreetly looking for hers to touch her once again. She didn't flinch, her face was turned towards him but she couldn't quite look at him in the eyes. They didn't need to say a word, they knew. They knew their time would come, they had found each other again and neither of them were ready to let the other leave again, not this time.


End file.
